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Getting Gifts 101
You'll be receiving shower gifts and wedding gifts for days. Here's how to respond with grace and style.
Gifts brought to an engagement party
Whenever you’re the guest of honor at a party where gifts are not expected and a few guests bring gifts in any case, accept them graciously. Then set them aside to open later. This avoids making empty-handed guests feel uncomfortable. Follow up afterward with a written thank-you note to each giver.
Shower gifts
When everyone will be bringing a gift, you’ve got the opportunity to thank each guest in person. Traditional etiquette states that you don’t have to send a thank-you note to a person you’ve already thanked in person but a note sent nonetheless is always appreciated. If a gift arrives at the shower from someone who couldn’t attend, then you should send a note.
When a large gift is given from a group—such as office colleagues—thank all the givers in a speech. Later send a note to the one person who organized the gift, thanking all the givers, or send individual notes to each giver.
Wedding gifts
If gifts are delivered to your home before the wedding, it’s OK to open them as soon as you’ve received them. Some couples like to wait and open them all at once after the honeymoon. If you wait, consider making it an occasion, inviting close family and friends over. Whatever your timing, each gift must be acknowledged with a thank you note.
Exchanging gifts
Even when you carefully register your wedding gift choices and let everyone know where you’re registered, couples can still receive a gift that’s just not their style. If you’re close to the giver, be upfront about it and let them know that you’d like to exchange it. If you exchange it without them knowing about it, they may wonder whatever happened to it each time they come over for a visit.
The exception to this rule comes when the gift comes from someone you’re not close to such as a business colleague of your father’s. Send a thank-you note but don’t mention that you’re planning to exchange it.
Gifts that arrive damaged
Be sure to return the gift to the store bringing all the wrapping. Any reputable retailer will replace the goods. If the store is out of town or an online service, call to find out what their procedure entails. Again, if the store or service is good, there shouldn’t be any problem. In both cases, there’s no need to bother the giver with these details; just thank them.
If a damaged gift arrives from a guest by mail, check to see whether the package was insured. If it was, notify the sender immediately so that she can collect the insurance.
If an uninsured gift arrives damaged from a close friend or relative, tell them. They’ll want to know. If the giver is not close to you, letting him know only obliges him to buy you another present.
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